fenced in and hidden. things i do not understand

Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know [do not distinguish and recognize, have knowledge of and understand].

Jeremiah 33:3 AMP

expectant hearts

I've never quite understood what it means to have an expectant heart. Before many services or times of worship, we are reminded to come before Him with an expectant heart. What does that even mean? How do I do that? Those are often my first concerns. I can tell myself that God is going to show up, but there is a disconnect somewhere between my mind and my heart. I can understand it intellectually, but in my heart, there is a sense of not truly believing or knowing.

I've wondered lately just what it means to have an expectant heart. And tonight while reading about Jesus retreating to the desert with the disciples at the time of Passover in John 11, a small connection was made about what it is to have an expectant heart.

The Jews were on their way to Jerusalem for a ceremonial cleansing before the Passover, and they kept looking for Jesus to arrive. "They kept looking for Jesus, and as they stood in the temple area they asked one another, 'What do you think? Isn't he coming to the Feast at all?'" John 11:56
I saw myself on my way to class and looking for a familiar face in the crowd.

I suddenly realized that I need to transfer that expectancy to see a friend on campus to an expectancy or excitement of really encountering the Lord. What if I had such an excitement to allow him to lavish me with his love or dance over me or embrace me with his truth and peace in times of uncertainty and loneliness?
He'd probably blow me away in amazement.

not perfection. not performance. a process.

"IN [this] freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off]." Galatians 5:1 AMP

I lately discovered a missing piece (or peace) about my freedom. I fully believed in my mind that I was free, but there was just something I didn't understand, a place of unrest in my heart. Why do distractions present themselves and I allow them to lead me away from the truth? There was doubt and a lack of peace knowing that things aren't perfect after having found my identity in Christ and accepting the freedom only He can bring.

I declared this: "I am free!" And the whisper of the enemy, "Then why do you still have these fearful thoughts?" entered my mind before I even finished the statement. That deceiving question was quieted so quickly with this: "Freedom is not done perfectly. It is not a performance. It is a process. I am gaining freedom daily."

A Glimpse of the Father’s Heart

I’ve been so anxious to learn, experience, and truly know my Perfect Father’s heart. The Lord started to reveal His character to me several months ago, and I’ve clung onto it and His precious love for me since then. Before I was bound to the thought that I had to live without sin before Almighty God lest I be an unworthy person. And by the way, I am worthy. He has made me worthy, only by His blood, to be called a daughter of the Most High, a child of the King. I am His Beloved, the apple of His eye.

Several nights ago, after bitterness, anger, and vulnerability, He gave me a huge revelation of His great love through my earthly father. I drove to meet him in Dallas for dinner as he was passing through, and somehow, not even a half mile from where he was, I made a wrong turn and ended up lost for an hour and a half. When we finally figured out how I needed to get there, I very upset to say the least. I walked into the store, and upon seeing my face, my dad chuckled and suggested I get some water to rehydrate from all the crying. But after his moment of humor, he opened his arms and embraced his daughter. He welcomed me there even though I was so frustrated at him for telling me the wrong directions. His hug and reassurance that everything was okay was such a relief. That is lesson number one, he welcomed me in his loving arms and embraced his daughter despite being lost and the anger and frustrations minutes before.

I had prayed on the way there that my present emotions wouldn’t intrude on the time I would soon have with my dad and that I’d have the courage to be vulnerable with some thoughts I’ve wrestled with. After my rehydration ☺ and a few minutes browsing in the store, we started talking.. There was a pause, and in that pause, the Holy Spirit welled up in me some kind of courage. I just spilled my heart, my fears and worries, the things I’d thought I could never let my dad know. His response shocked me and brought me to tears, “Everything is okay, baby. If there’s anything you need to be worried about or something that you can change, I’ll let you know.” I had the day before asked the Lord to reveal to me things in my life that need correction. Did you get that? If there is something that you need to change, I’ll let you know! He won’t let me miss what He wants me to know.

Here are some examples I’ve learned along this way:

"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:11-12

-I cannot worry about what I need to change. I can only do what I KNOW I need to be doing. That which I KNOW I need to be doing will be revealed by the Holy Spirit at the perfect time!

“This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”
Isaiah 48:17-18

-My Redeemer, the Lord my God, teaches me what is best. He directs me according to His will. And when I obey his directions, doing what I know I need to be doing, peace overflows. When there is an absence of peace, I know I’ve not paid that careful attention to His commands. The Enemy cannot counterfeit peace. And when peace prevails, I know what I’m doing is bringing a smile to His face.

But I am not called to be perfect. I am not called to hold the whole earth in my hands, to know everything, or work out of my own strength. That is who the Holy Spirit is. He has it all taken care of. He knows everything, and will surely let me know what needs to be done in my heart and give me the strength to do so. My Heavenly Father teaches me what I need to know when I need to know it. Nothing is too early or too late.

I love how He answers prayers how He wants to. He is creative and catches our attention through even the tiniest things.