My heart is stirred.
At that time, I was a gentile.
At that time, I was without the Messiah.
At that time, I was excluded from the citizenship of Heaven.
At that time, I was a foreigner to the promise,
At that time, I was without hope and without God in this world.
But now, I have been brought near by the blood of the Messiah.
When Christ came, he proclaimed the good news of peace to you who were far away and peace to you who were near.
For through Him, we both have access by One Spirit to the Father.
Too often I forget what He did and who I was. But now, I have peace and hope and God in this world. He is too good.
This song speaks so much truth. the story of Jesus. Rise up all you orphans, You got a brand new family
Rise up all you debtors, Its the year of jubilee
Rise up all you sinners, He's gonna chase your guilt away I love this, not only is the Cross redemption, a baby entered this world and redeemed you and me.
He gives us a new family. He chases all the guilt in our lives away-woohoo-it's gone!! He ends our brokenness.
To the brokenness, to the loss, to the sadness, and hardships in our lives: Jesus came to redeem. He brought peace then, and living among us today, He still brings peace. WHOOP!
Worship is the highest form of warfare. It takes the focus off of self. It takes the focus off your enemy. And it allows you to magnify your understanding of just how WORTHY....AWESOME...and LOVING our GOD truly is. So.......the answer today and always will be...is to WORSHIP.
I just finished skyping with Miss Sarah Greeson, and I am beyond grateful for our delightful conversation.
My mind is wrapped around a prayer she prayed for me. "Lord, thank you for Jac's mind, thank you for her body, and her emotions. [thank you that you are/may she be...mindful of the way you created her].."
I am spent here pondering the phrase, "Mindful of the way I'm created." I've lost sight of that part of my identity, that I am beautifully and wonderfully created by a mighty King. This goes deeper than mere outward appearance and the issues that brought me to Mercy. It goes deeper, and mainly I think about my thoughts/emotions/identity in Christ. I know there is more to tap into, and I'm wondering if you girls have anything to share on that. You are who I wanted to ask, "What does it mean for you to be mindful of the way God created you?" Love and miss you dearly!
what is man that you are mindful of him, andthe son of man that youcare for him? Psalm 8:4
Yeah, so I never got back to playing the cello. I ignored it as it sat next to my book shelf, and when I moved into a smaller room in my house, I put it back in the case and in the laundry room. It was a good effort while it lasted. __
For some reason, I was reminded of this book tonight and was sure I could find it online as I don't own it. You are Special by Max Lucado. I heard it in 4th grade as a camper at Sky Ranch and loved it, but I never knew what it was or where to find it until a few years ago. I was in awe--THAT WAS THE BOOK I HAD LISTENED TO AND HELD SO DEAR TO MY HEART FOR ALMOST 11 YEARS! I don't know if I read it at Mercy or what, but it is
so simple and childlike.
It reminds me of how I can become so caught up in what others think of me, how tender and eager to meet with me my Creator is, and that He doesn't care what others think of His sons and daugters.
One of my favorite parts: One of the characters doesn't have any stickers or dots, and she goes to spend time with Eli, her woodcarver, every day :) Since I so love the concept of choice (Deut. 30:19), I can't not mention this one...Why doesn't she have any stickers or dots? Well, they don't stick on her because she has decided that what Eli thinks is more important than what the other wimmicks think. The stickers only stick if she lets them. BOOM. May seem petty, but it's not-- that's fear of man dead and gone.
You should really go read it here (click 'find our story out'), with pictures included, or listen to it here. Ask the Lord to speak to you through this awesome children's book :)
"you are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."
In believing and receiving complete healing and freedom from years of depression and an eating disorder, I have learned that the seeds I am sowing in my life really matter. Each thought and spoken word is a seed sown and can either reap life or death. Are my thoughts ones that reflect Christ and His perfect love for me or are they about how I don't measure up? Romans says for our minds to be renewed to Christ so that it reaps life. That looks like actually saying the opposite of whatever lie I may be believing and daily speaking out who Christ says I am--a daughter, chosen, made in His image, full of hope, cherished, and adopted into the Kingdom. I want the harvest to be one abundant in life and joy. I saw the following post this afternoon and was so encouraged to sow seeds of life. I hope you are too! I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live. Deuteronomy 30:19 Faith Tabernacle (www.ft111.com) Shelly Mathis A TIME TO SOW
We are sowing seeds on a moment-by-moment basis. The types of seeds determine the harvests we receive.
Creation teaches us that there is a process before fruit is borne. Just as the seeds of the earth gradually mature and bear fruit, so do the seeds of the Kingdom and of the flesh. Sometimes we mistakenly expect our seeds to produce an immediate harvest or misunderstand our current circumstances having forgotten the seeds previously sown. The Word declares that a harvest is promised for every seed sown – whether good or bad.
Mark 4:26-29 26And He said, "The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground, 27and should sleep by night and rise by day, and the seed should sprout and grow, he himself does not know how. 28For the earth yields crops by itself: first the blade, then the head, after that the full grain in the head. 29But when the grain ripens, immediately he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come."
Now is the time to examine the seeds we are sowing and take responsibility for them. Are they seeds that will cause the Kingdom of God to flourish within us, or are they seeds of the flesh that will produce corruption in body, soul, and spirit? The spirit and flesh are at war with one another, and their seeds are contrary to one another (Galatians 5:17). We choose whether we sow to the Spirit or flesh. It is never an accident.
Galatians 6:7-9 7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
No matter the spiritual season we find ourselves in, there are seven Kingdom seeds we can sow that will produce an abundant harvest of His goodness in our lives. Doing so will allow the Lord to pour out His anointing and glory upon us, causing our relationship with Him to flourish.
1.) FAITH Rather than sowing fear and unbelief, let us sow a pure faith – for faith alone accesses the benefits of our covenant in the Kingdom.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Faith is the evidence that we believe we already possess the promise, even if it is yet unseen (Hebrews 11:1). Jesus continually taught that the measure we receive is directly related to the measure of our faith. Our level of understanding determines our level of faith. The more we internally unite our hearts with the Truth of God's Word, the more we believe... and receive. (Romans 10:17).
2.) A LISTENING HEART A noisy and distracted soul obliterates the voice of God, but a listening heart receives the wisdom necessary to cooperate with His work in this season.
Isaiah 30:20-21 20And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your teachers will not be moved into a corner anymore, but your eyes shall see your teachers. 21Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.
When we practice sowing the seed of a listening heart, we are learning to move in the flow of the Spirit. He trains us to move victoriously through every situation and circumstance, in peace or adversity. This divine connection permeates our heart while being busy with that which lies at hand. We are able to hear His still, small voice directing us to turn to the right or the left. It is like dancing... He leads, and we follow.
3.) ROLL AWAY REPROACH To truly flourish in the Kingdom requires forgiving ourselves and releasing all who have reproached us; holding on to reproach results in spiritual barrenness and a harvest of thistles and thorns.
Psalm 69:19-20 19You know my reproach, my shame, and my dishonor; my adversaries are all before You. 20Reproach has broken my heart, and I am full of heaviness; I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none.
Reproach is a condition which prevents a heart from flourishing and producing a harvest of the Lord's goodness. Reproach is the pinnacle of rejection; we apply (or receive) disapproval, disdain, shame, and blame. We can reproach ourselves or receive reproach from others.
As we develop a listening ear, the Holy Spirit will continually reveal to us areas where we have received reproach. It is a choice to hang on to reproach or to receive the blessing of the Blood of Christ which rolls the reproach away. When we truly listen to Him, His words roll away our reproach and heal our hearts (Psalm 107:20).
4.) SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY We must stop sowing laziness and victimization, for God has commissioned us to sow the seed of His authority in our lives and over the enemy.
Luke 10:19 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
We sow the seed of authority by approaching life from the position of our authority in Christ. What is that position? Victory. Under His authority, we then rule over every aspect of our lives as kings – conquering the land of our hearts for the Lord and submitting to the rule and reign of His Spirit within us.
Our responsibility is not only to rule over our lives, but to exercise our spiritual authority over Satan. He relentlessly works to distract our focus, sow his tares (lies), and keep us in bondage. We must sow our seed of authority over our flesh and the devil at every opportunity; this will maintain the good ground in our hearts and enable the Lord's work to prosper.
5.) THE WRITTEN & PROPHETIC WORD Listening to Satan's lies silences the voice of God. May we rise up and by faith hear God’s voice, and in authority, echo His voice and sow the seeds of His written and prophetic Word in the earth.
Isaiah 55:10-11 10"For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
We have the authority to sow God's written and prophetic Word wherever we have responsibility. When we develop those listening ears, He will give us prophetic seeds to sow in intercession and in prophetic proclamation. Let us sow faithfully and allow them to become that which the Lord destined them to be.
The enemy's attack is to silence the prophetic flow within us – through reproach, distraction, or sin. Do not allow him to silence your voice. Your covenant promise is to hear the Lord's voice and prophesy what He gives you to speak. Open your mouth, and the Lord will fill it!
6.) PRAISE & WORSHIP The opposite of murmuring and complaining is praise and worship. Praise is one of the severest weapons that we can form against the enemy, and one of the greatest instruments we can wield to set ourselves free.
2 Chronicles 20:20-22 20 So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the LORD your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper.” 21 And when he had consulted with the people, he appointed those who should sing to the LORD, and who should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army and were saying: “Praise the LORD, For His mercy endures forever.” 22 Now when they began to sing and to praise, the LORD set ambushes against the people of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah; and they were defeated.
When we sow the seed of praise, the Lord is enthroned in our praises – He is exalted and the enemy is defeated. We are able to discern clearly from His perspective of grace, light, and truth. Faith soars in His presence, and the enemy flees. We reap the harvest of deliverance, faith, joy, strength, and life. What is desolate flourishes.
7.) HIS REST We must cease striving in our own strength and sow into the flow of the Holy Spirit. He says, “You rest, and I’ll manifest.”
Hebrews 4:10 For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His.
We are to sow into His rest. This rest equates to “death to the flesh” and “work by the Spirit.” It is not accomplished by our own tenacious gumption, but by yielding to the power of the Spirit of God working in us. We do our part by surrendering our darkness to His Light, by resisting temptation, and by allowing His Spirit to rule and reign within. His rest causes divine productivity in the anointing of ease; it is the flow of His Spirit.
THE PROMISE Psalm 65:9-11 9 You visit the earth and water it, You greatly enrich it; The river of God is full of water; You provide their grain, For so You have prepared it. 10 You water its ridges abundantly, You settle its furrows; You make it soft with showers, You bless its growth. 11 You crown the year with Your goodness, And Your paths drip with abundance.
When we sow the seeds of the Kingdom, the Lord will water them with His Spirit and cause our relationship with Him to flourish in abundant productivity. He will be exalted, and His glory will fill the earth. Amen!
I've been slow to post things in the past several months, but this is too good not to share. So sisters, please enjoy and receive.
I was watching the movie Twister with my roommate tonight while reading for my developmental psyc class. I just finished reading about how baby biographers studying the development of their children "may have let their assumptions about evolution and development bias their observations."
Jo is in the bedroom getting ready. She look in the mirror, picked up her necklace, and put it on as her aunt came into the room. Here's how the conversation went down: Aunt: Whatever you do, Jo, you'll always be beautiful. Jo: You've got a bias opinion. Aunt: Well, yes, I'm a proud aunt.
Right then, God spoke to my heart that He has a bias opinion for His daughters! He is a PROUD FATHER!
The Lord is so good. He knows our heart. We are fully known to Him! Praise His name!
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12
I am in such awe of His goodness, of how God loves me. He delights in bringing joy through the smallest things. There are three things that particularly stand out.
1. Free massage and stay at the conference center. Days before I had thought, I cannot wait until after camp to get a massage and later, that it would be fun to stay off camp during session break [sleep in, have air conditioner, a real bed, etc.] I knew it probably wouldn't happen, but it was a nice thought. At the end of a session, it was announced that a camper's mom wanted to bless us with free massages. All I could do was laugh in thanks. That Friday, a sweet friend offered a room for some of us to stay at the conference center. These things were so unexpected, but He constantly showed that He knows even tiniest things of my heart.
2. Blueberries. This is the best one. One afternoon I was sitting on the bear trap porch in a rocking chair watching kids play 4-square. I randomly thought of picking fruit, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, anything. I had never done that before and thought, ''Oh it would be nice to do that''. Low and behold, 4 days later I was at Craggy Gardens and Mount Mitchell picking blueberries and blackberries. I was in the mountains with three great friends and was sweetly surprised and reminded of God's enormous and the fact that He knows the depths of my heart. This wasn't something I prayed about, "Daddy, it sure would be great to be able to go blueberry picking. Could I please?" Nope, it was just a passing thought. Praise God!
3. Chapstick. This is so silly, but it proves again how we are fully known. I lost my chapstick somewhere in between North Carolina and Texas. I've been meaning to buy more and kept putting it off. Tonight, after a joy-filled day, I went to my first Midnight Yell. As I was walking in with my camp, people were there handing out free Texas A&M- compliments of Pepsi chapstick. haha. Thank you, Jesus, for the sweet surprise. Even funnier, I was getting it out of my purse and thought, "I hope this isn't Pepsi flavored chapstick." You know those Dr. Pepper or other crazy soda flavors? I'm not a huge fan, so I quietly hope it was clear chapstick. Yup, it was. Thanks again!
These were all things I didn't pray for. I didn't submit them to the Lord. He just knew. It is such a big deal! That is, how much He knows us and desires for us to know Him. The idea of being known fully and fully known this summer was so graciously pressed into my heart, and there is no doubt that He knows us. He is faithful and delights in us. He takes delight in YOU. Our Father takes delight in bringing His children favor, making His love known, and surprising us at the moment we least expect. My prayer is that you come to know Him fully, are sweetly surprised this weekend, and really find hope and joy in the One, the holder of our hearts. Be blessed!
Then the LORD your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 30:9-10
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139: 23-24
Reading the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard, I realized something I never had before from this passage. It made me think about us as Mercy girls walking in our freedom but sometimes falling to distractions. A lot of times that distraction is comparison, which only leads to death.
So in Matthew 20, the landowner went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He hired some in the morning to work for the day and also went out a couple of times later to give them "whatever is right" at the end of the day. Evening came and he began to call the workers in to give them their pay. The last to be hired were given one denarius as were the ones who were hired in the early morning. "They began to complain to the landowner, 'These last put in one hour, and you made them equal to us who bore the burden of the day and the burning heat!'" The land owner later replied, "Are you jealous because I am generous?"
We could easily read it and get the message that the last shall be first and the first, last. So much more was revealed. The workers began complaining, and in that, they walked straight into comparison.
Comparison can only lead to death for us. I can look at another sister and see the freedom she is walking in--what I think is her freedom, and I fall into condemnation for the great amount of freedom she has and I don't. She could have been struggling with whatever issue for multiple years or only one or two. No matter how long or short of a time she was in bondage or even how long she has walked in freedom, the quiet, or rather, not so quiet lie sneaks in saying, "You should be walking in the great freedom that she is," which then becomes a belief in a lie yielding only death. "You don't have the freedom that she shows and that must mean you're not there and a failure." Those are straight lies from the enemy meant to distract us from our pursuit of Christ! We are good enough. We are loved even if our freedom doesn't look like we THINK it should. I'm longing for progress, not perfection.
And I think I've touched on this before, but it's come back up in conversation two or three times lately:
Becoming free is a very slow progress for some of us, and that is OKAY! That gives even greater reason to include a lot of accountability and support. That also means choosing not to believe those lies or hesitating to call out to those who are FOR us to help us.
Freedom and victory might come little by little like in Deuteronomy 7:22,
The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you.
keep reading that passage, but basically victory came by enduring. God's plans are bigger, which means He may not move as fast as we would like Him to. He probably won't give it all to us at once either. There are WAY too many lessons to learn in the process of finding greater freedom.
So I leave you with this...
Keep trusting. However God does it for you means it is GOOD for YOU!
"How do you know if you're abiding in Him?" was a question I ask a few weeks ago.
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:4-5
Abide means continue, stay, and remain. And one great thing I've come to love REST. Resting in His peace and joy. After waiting and wondering if I am abiding, I learned I have to look at the fruit in my life. Two of those right now are joy and peace. If I'm filled with His joy and peace, it's a pretty clear indicator to my heart that I'm abiding.
Through learning that, I also learned how joy and peace are coupled together. If you have one, you should really have the other. After looking back on last semester, I saw I wasn't abiding. There was peace, but very little joy. I couldn't muster it up if I wanted. He's come in and rocked my world this semester. There have been many changes, but what sticks out most is the presence of joy in my life.
Here are a couple of passages showing how joy and peace complement each other. Dive into them. Be encouraged.
Peace and Joy Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1-2
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
This is probably my favorite: "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thorn bush will grow the pine tree, and instead of the briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD'S renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed." Isaiah 55:12-13
"Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." Psalm 34:14 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Romans 14:17-18
I have recently been learning about receiving invitations from God. After reading 1 Kings 1 this afternoon, I saw how the Lord works this out. King David was old and dying; Israel would need a new king pretty soon. Adonijah "put himself forward and said, 'I will be king.'" He didn't receive any direction or invitation from God on this one. He wasn't released to be king. He just ran after his own desire for power but never gained it. This chapter really stuck out to me when I read it, because I was just asked to step into a leadership role and really needed confirming Scripture. I remember thinking early last semester that I would want to lead in such a way some day, but I didn't think that would be within the next year. Now, I'm in awe to see how He put that desire in my heart months ago but is now inviting me to step into it with Him.
I've learned this to be true: " So Jesus answered them by saying, I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, the Son is able to do nothing of Himself (of His own accord); but He is able to do only what He sees the Father doing, for whatever the Father does is what the Son does in the same way [in His turn]." John 5:19 I feel like so often I see something I want to do and just go after it--wanting to work at camp last summer, being a part of great ministries, or even trying to run a half-marathon. Those are not necessarily bad things if my desires are from Him, but if I do it out of the Lord's leading and without invitation, I get frustrated and disappointed. With camp, I tried to manipulate everything around me to be able to be there. I put up fleeces...if so-and-so calls me to work, I will... I never got those calls. I fought with God so much until He showed me I need to learn to be comfortable at home with my family and receive love from them. With ministry, I wanted to be a part of Big Brothers, Big Sisters, go on a mission trip to Panama, and lead a freshman family group. None of those things ever came close to happening. With running a half, my motives were not pure. I had injury after injury, and my heart was not functioning well. Looking at those, they are all "good" things, but when done without invitation or to look good, we aren't satisfied or successful.
Here is something I read this week: "True success in any endeavor can only come when the Father has initiated the activity and invited our participation." Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God
For me, this is a greater invitation to pray and really have my ears tuned to hear His voice. I pray that as the semester begins, this is a time for us all to open our ears and hear each and every little thing God wants or doesn't want us to do.
"I will invite everyone who is victorious to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne." Revelation 3:21
I laid on my bed last week trying to do things on my own. Make my own path. Walk in my own strength. Do things essentially the way I wanted them to be done, without regard for the obedience the Lord is calling me to walk in. I came to a point where I had to give up. My body literally went limp. The tension of fighting was gone. I came to a place of saying, "Lord, I surrender. I want to choose to walk on your path and in your strength." Even when I don't understand or see where I'm going in this season, "I'll go if you want me to."
Another place of surrender tonight. This song came on Pandora and accompanied my heart so perfectly: "If You Want Me To" By Ginny Owens from her Without Condition album.
The pathway is broken And the signs are unclear And I dont know the reason why you brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I will go through the valley If You want me to
Now I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet So if all of these trials bring me closer to You I will go through the fire If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my own But You never said it would be easy You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will go through the valley If You want me to
Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know [do not distinguish and recognize, have knowledge of and understand].
I've never quite understood what it means to have an expectant heart. Before many services or times of worship, we are reminded to come before Him with an expectant heart. What does that even mean? How do I do that? Those are often my first concerns. I can tell myself that God is going to show up, but there is a disconnect somewhere between my mind and my heart. I can understand it intellectually, but in my heart, there is a sense of not truly believing or knowing.
I've wondered lately just what it means to have an expectant heart. And tonight while reading about Jesus retreating to the desert with the disciples at the time of Passover in John 11, a small connection was made about what it is to have an expectant heart.
The Jews were on their way to Jerusalem for a ceremonial cleansing before the Passover, and they kept looking for Jesus to arrive. "They kept looking for Jesus, and as they stood in the temple area they asked one another, 'What do you think? Isn't he coming to the Feast at all?'" John 11:56 I saw myself on my way to class and looking for a familiar face in the crowd.
I suddenly realized that I need to transfer that expectancy to see a friend on campus to an expectancy or excitement of really encountering the Lord. What if I had such an excitement to allow him to lavish me with his love or dance over me or embrace me with his truth and peace in times of uncertainty and loneliness? He'd probably blow me away in amazement.
"IN [this] freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off]." Galatians 5:1 AMP
I lately discovered a missing piece (or peace) about my freedom. I fully believed in my mind that I was free, but there was just something I didn't understand, a place of unrest in my heart. Why do distractions present themselves and I allow them to lead me away from the truth? There was doubt and a lack of peace knowing that things aren't perfect after having found my identity in Christ and accepting the freedom only He can bring.
I declared this: "I am free!" And the whisper of the enemy, "Then why do you still have these fearful thoughts?" entered my mind before I even finished the statement. That deceiving question was quieted so quickly with this: "Freedom is not done perfectly. It is not a performance. It is a process. I am gaining freedom daily."
I’ve been so anxious to learn, experience, and truly know my Perfect Father’s heart. The Lord started to reveal His character to me several months ago, and I’ve clung onto it and His precious love for me since then. Before I was bound to the thought that I had to live without sin before Almighty God lest I be an unworthy person. And by the way, I am worthy. He has made me worthy, only by His blood, to be called a daughter of the Most High, a child of the King. I am His Beloved, the apple of His eye.
Several nights ago, after bitterness, anger, and vulnerability, He gave me a huge revelation of His great love through my earthly father. I drove to meet him in Dallas for dinner as he was passing through, and somehow, not even a half mile from where he was, I made a wrong turn and ended up lost for an hour and a half. When we finally figured out how I needed to get there, I very upset to say the least. I walked into the store, and upon seeing my face, my dad chuckled and suggested I get some water to rehydrate from all the crying. But after his moment of humor, he opened his arms and embraced his daughter. He welcomed me there even though I was so frustrated at him for telling me the wrong directions. His hug and reassurance that everything was okay was such a relief. That is lesson number one, he welcomed me in his loving arms and embraced his daughter despite being lost and the anger and frustrations minutes before.
I had prayed on the way there that my present emotions wouldn’t intrude on the time I would soon have with my dad and that I’d have the courage to be vulnerable with some thoughts I’ve wrestled with. After my rehydration ☺ and a few minutes browsing in the store, we started talking.. There was a pause, and in that pause, the Holy Spirit welled up in me some kind of courage. I just spilled my heart, my fears and worries, the things I’d thought I could never let my dad know. His response shocked me and brought me to tears, “Everything is okay, baby. If there’s anything you need to be worried about or something that you can change, I’ll let you know.” I had the day before asked the Lord to reveal to me things in my life that need correction. Did you get that? If there is something that you need to change, I’ll let you know! He won’t let me miss what He wants me to know.
Here are some examples I’ve learned along this way:
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:11-12
-I cannot worry about what I need to change. I can only do what I KNOW I need to be doing. That which I KNOW I need to be doing will be revealed by the Holy Spirit at the perfect time!
“This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.” Isaiah 48:17-18
-My Redeemer, the Lord my God, teaches me what is best. He directs me according to His will. And when I obey his directions, doing what I know I need to be doing, peace overflows. When there is an absence of peace, I know I’ve not paid that careful attention to His commands. The Enemy cannot counterfeit peace. And when peace prevails, I know what I’m doing is bringing a smile to His face.
But I am not called to be perfect. I am not called to hold the whole earth in my hands, to know everything, or work out of my own strength. That is who the Holy Spirit is. He has it all taken care of. He knows everything, and will surely let me know what needs to be done in my heart and give me the strength to do so. My Heavenly Father teaches me what I need to know when I need to know it. Nothing is too early or too late.
I love how He answers prayers how He wants to. He is creative and catches our attention through even the tiniest things.
Some of you have asked me why I transferred, so here is the story. It’s a tad bit long, maybe even a novel.
Well, the Lord has done a mighty work since January. While I was at Mercy Ministries, I learned to listen to the Lord’s voice and really just soak in His presence. During a time of sitting in His presence on May 19th in the backyard, I was praying about going back to Ouachita and the community I have there. I wanted to do things differently than I had in the previous three semesters. I anticipated returning to school and renewing friendships, all while having a whole new perspective. I was so excited to walk out my freedom back at Ouachita. Legalism and religiosity had characterized my life for years until He shattered boxes and tore down walls. While I was praying that day, Texas A&M suddenly popped into mind. Fears and questions took control of my thoughts. I don’t want to go. I’m already registered for classes, have a roommate, and a place to live. How can I leave friendships and go where I know virtually no one?Where am I going to live? I’m sure everyone already has housing set up for the fall. Is this really you, God? You cannot do this. This is absolutely impossible. What church will I go to? How will I find another accountability partner? How will I make friends? That's to say the least.
All of those fears and thoughts were overruled by peace.
One Mercy staff told me, “If you do anything, follow peace.”
There is a peace about going and a peace about leaving.
Here’s a list of the things that calmed my fears:
My Princess…GO WHERE I SEND YOU We read this a few nights after that time spend in the backyard.
These are from messages during class…
5.18.09 Priscilla Shirer said, “You are better off obeying God and feeling uncomfortable than if you stay comfortable and fine where you are.”
5.20.09Erwin McManus said, “As followers of Christ, we take very few risks and play it safe. We need to have more courage and guts.”
5.20.09Priscilla Shirer said, “God speaks not only to be heard but to be obeyed. When God speaks, our response is not to think, but obey. It will be uncomfortable and maybe even painful.”
5.28.09Joyce Meyer said, “Do what you believe God is telling you to do and keep doing it.”
5.28.09Erwin McManus said, “Go until you get a no!”
This story has several significant parts to it, so here we go!
DREAMS-
In March, four girls from Oral Roberts University came for their spring break to work around the home. During that week, one of the girls spoke to us about her dreams being restored. The dreams that the enemy tried to steal away from her were restored. The Lord brought her full circle from being kicked out of the dorms to being asked to be an RA. That is pretty cool to me. All of that got me to thinking. What were my dreams as a kid? I wanted to be a teacher, a mom, a doctor, and so many other things. I couldn’t figure out what dreams were being restored to me. But two months later, the Spirit showed me that going to Texas A&M was one of my big dreams. I wanted to go there from the time I was thirteen years old until seventeen. This is just one of the things being restored back to me.
SEASONS-
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Seasons in life come and go. People come and go. Jobs come and go. My time at Mercy came and went. Life is full of seasons. Ouachita, for me, was one of those. Now I’m willingly walking into another one. Or two. I’m headed to a new school. And the other, I’m walking with the Spirit into FREEDOM. This season will last a lifetime.
I’M NOT IN CONTROL-
I tried to make it all work on my own, and it cost me. I lost a couple of weeks to fear, worry, and planning. I wasn’t sitting and waiting on the Lord for what He wanted me to do. I had to apply to Blinn. I had to register for classes. I had to find a place to live and a church to go to. I had to pay for this myself.
My parents had heard very little of this and what I felt called to do, and as a result, insisted that I finish all four years at Ouachita and get my Master’s at A&M. Those were rough, tearful phone calls. I had to do it on my own penny. Then, I was absolutely not allowed to do this. Then, we’re not talking about this when you’re 600 miles away home.
I finally realized I couldn’t do this just yet. The day I registered for classes I went outside on the back porch to read and soak. But I couldn’t concentrate. I wondered if I did the right thing. I wondered if I was rushing this, so I marched right back upstairs and un-registered. Then, there was peace. There was still some worry about a place to live, but my counselor said that I was not to go back into the classroom to work on after-Mercy plans. It was out of my control for good.
CIRCUMSTANCES-
Tricia shared with me three things from Take Another Look at Guidance that should line up: the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and circumstances. For me the first two were great, but the last, not so much. My dad would have nothing to do with my transferring schools. I thought that maybe this was a time that I need to go out on my own. I didn’t have a peace about going back to Ouachita last fall and neither did I a year later. There was no way I could get out of not being allowed to transfer. Even after graduation, I thought maybe I could without my parents and try to manipulate the situation so I was still honoring and respecting my parents. Even my accountability said the biggest thing right now was for my dad to approve.
When I got home from Mercy at the end of June, I was praying and thinking about a time to talk to my dad and a weekend to go look for a place to live. I wanted the timing to be right. During a worship service, I really felt the Lord saying, “Sit still, daughter.” I waited for the Lord. When I did that and stopped worrying about a time to talk, MY DAD CALLED ME WANTING TO TALK AND HE WANTED TO SET A TIME TO TALK, which is very uncharacteristic of him. He had some information for me to gather, and one of those was transfer requirements, which I had spent plenty of time studying. I had some how skipped worrying about hours that would transfer. I read that the requirement was 24, and my stomach was immediately in knots. I’d taken 46 hours at Ouachita, but when I went to add the actual transferable hours up, I was sure I’d only have 14, maybe 16. No! The number kept growing. I didn’t have 24 hours, but 25! That was reason for a praise party.
I had taken a break from facebook that weekend and when I got home Monday night, it was 11:30. I felt like I should check my email. I waited and spent time working some things out with the Lord. Finally at 12:30 AM, I checked my messages, and I had received one from a possible roommate saying she’d be in College Station this weekend if I want to come see the apartment. She sent that message at 11:30 that night. That was also the same weekend that would work best for me to go visit. Another praise party.
THE TALK-
Those three events brought up such excitement in me, that even though I was extremely nervous of what my dad would say and the possibility of my paying for everything or even going back to Ouachita, I was still more excited than nervous. Tuesday night came, and we sat down for a nice discussion. I was giving him all the information he asked for, but for some reason he thought I was already accepted to Texas A&M. When he realized that I planned on going to Blinn, he went to the automatic "No". And where I would have become very upset before, I was calm. I had to go upstairs to get some papers, the whole time getting real serious with Jesus and continuing my prayer for my dad, a softened heart. I got the papers, came back down, and within minutes his whole demeanor changed. He realized that all of this was not a sham. I had done my research and knew what I was talking about. He softly said, “Okay. You can do this.” And tears began to fall. In minutes the Lord changed those circumstances that were impossible to possible. He changed my dad’s heart.
A MONTH AND A HALF LATER-
I’ve moved into my duplex with two great girls and am so pumped about this new year. I excited to walk out my freedom in college. It sounds like a silly thing, but it’s not. Going to college was a way to start over, but not in a good way. I wasn’t “recovered” like people thought I was. I was quietly bound in chains of death, an eating disorder, depression, and perfectionism. BUT NOW I’M FREE.
These verses played over and over through this journey
John 8:34-36
Jesus said, "I tell you most solemnly that anyone who chooses a life of sin is trapped in a dead-end life and is, in fact, a slave. A slave is a transient, who can't come and go at will. The Son, though, has an established position, the run of the house. So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through.
Proverbs 3:1-8
My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments; For length of days and years of life And peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.
John 10: 1-5
I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."
Psalm 27: 13-14
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
As many of you probably know, there are some big changes the Lord has placed on my heart and asked me to do. There is a possibility of moving to a new state, a new school, and leave friendships and pretty much my home at Ouachita. It's been what seems like forever trying to know what to do and how to make such a big change. I took steps to rush the process, but was quickly reminded I couldn't rush His timing. This is just one of the ways God is teaching me to rest in Him and trust.
I spent the 4th of July in Dallas with family and friends, and my friend drove me back to the hotel after we hung out. During many turn-arounds while trying to find it, I noticed a street named, "Buckingham." It caught my attention, but I didn't give it much thought. Last night, I was reading the first chapter of Priscilla Shirer'sDiscerning the Voice Of God . It all started with this statement: "He desires to make Himself known to the seeking heart." My heart wants all that He has for me, and I do not want to miss Him.
I have been praying for confirmations daily, "Lord, I need you to show me what you want me to do. Confirm things for me. I might miss it, but show me in a huge way so that I don't." I am just a child, new at hearing His voice and walking out of unbelief into a huge world of believing and trusting. I want Him to catch my attention in big ways-great revelation, signs, wonders-anything so that I know I have not missed Him. Well, I know I have not missed Him right now.
I have been in a season that pretty much every time I inquire the Lord about the fall, I feel He says, "Wait, my daughter." Still, God? "Yes." I have been waiting for almost two months now. Anytime I run ahead on my own, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I've increased my pace and have gone on without His peace or guidance.
Doubt, fear, confusion, and uncertainty have plagued my mind. I've wondered if I'm hearing His voice correctly. Corrie Ten Boom said, "If you want to hear God's voice clearly and you are uncertain, then remain in His presence until He changes this uncertainty. Often much can happen during this waiting on the Lord. Sometimes He changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it." He has changed uncertainty into certainty and doubt into faith and peace.
Shirer talks about Habakkuk and his being prepared to wait for the answers. Habakkuk said "I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart; and I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me, and how I may reply when I am reproved" (Habakkuk 2:1). This is where she mentions Buckingham Palace. I would not have paid the reference to it had she stopped with the mention of the palace, but she didn't.
She mentions that the words "stand" and "station" are military terms. Habakkuk's use of them reminds her of the guards outside of the Buckingham Palace--they refuse to move. No matter what happens, "they know what they've been assigned to do, and they won't allow themselves to be distracted."
It is no coincidence that I saw the Buckingham street sign in Dallas yesterday. I feel as if I am assigned a job similar to a palace guard. I am gently told to wait, and in this waiting time, I refuse to move and let anything distract me from my job. The questions from my parents have no power to distract me. Deadlines have no power to distract me. As odd as it seems to my family, I do not have to know exactly what I am to do at this time. When I've become impatient and tried to rush the process of knowing what I am going to do, He has instilled in me patience and grace. How unfamiliar patience and grace are to me, but they are my most valuable weapons at this time.
