Some of you have asked me why I transferred, so here is the story. It’s a tad bit long, maybe even a novel.
Well, the Lord has done a mighty work since January. While I was at Mercy Ministries, I learned to listen to the Lord’s voice and really just soak in His presence. During a time of sitting in His presence on May 19th in the backyard, I was praying about going back to Ouachita and the community I have there. I wanted to do things differently than I had in the previous three semesters. I anticipated returning to school and renewing friendships, all while having a whole new perspective. I was so excited to walk out my freedom back at Ouachita. Legalism and religiosity had characterized my life for years until He shattered boxes and tore down walls. While I was praying that day, Texas A&M suddenly popped into mind. Fears and questions took control of my thoughts. I don’t want to go. I’m already registered for classes, have a roommate, and a place to live. How can I leave friendships and go where I know virtually no one? Where am I going to live? I’m sure everyone already has housing set up for the fall. Is this really you, God? You cannot do this. This is absolutely impossible. What church will I go to? How will I find another accountability partner? How will I make friends? That's to say the least.
All of those fears and thoughts were overruled by peace.
One Mercy staff told me, “If you do anything, follow peace.”
There is a peace about going and a peace about leaving.
Here’s a list of the things that calmed my fears:
My Princess…GO WHERE I SEND YOU We read this a few nights after that time spend in the backyard.
These are from messages during class…
5.18.09 Priscilla Shirer said, “You are better off obeying God and feeling uncomfortable than if you stay comfortable and fine where you are.”
5.20.09 Erwin McManus said, “As followers of Christ, we take very few risks and play it safe. We need to have more courage and guts.”
5.20.09 Priscilla Shirer said, “God speaks not only to be heard but to be obeyed. When God speaks, our response is not to think, but obey. It will be uncomfortable and maybe even painful.”
5.28.09 Joyce Meyer said, “Do what you believe God is telling you to do and keep doing it.”
5.28.09 Erwin McManus said, “Go until you get a no!”
This story has several significant parts to it, so here we go!
DREAMS-
In March, four girls from Oral Roberts University came for their spring break to work around the home. During that week, one of the girls spoke to us about her dreams being restored. The dreams that the enemy tried to steal away from her were restored. The Lord brought her full circle from being kicked out of the dorms to being asked to be an RA. That is pretty cool to me. All of that got me to thinking. What were my dreams as a kid? I wanted to be a teacher, a mom, a doctor, and so many other things. I couldn’t figure out what dreams were being restored to me. But two months later, the Spirit showed me that going to Texas A&M was one of my big dreams. I wanted to go there from the time I was thirteen years old until seventeen. This is just one of the things being restored back to me.
SEASONS-
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Seasons in life come and go. People come and go. Jobs come and go. My time at Mercy came and went. Life is full of seasons. Ouachita, for me, was one of those. Now I’m willingly walking into another one. Or two. I’m headed to a new school. And the other, I’m walking with the Spirit into FREEDOM. This season will last a lifetime.
I’M NOT IN CONTROL-
I tried to make it all work on my own, and it cost me. I lost a couple of weeks to fear, worry, and planning. I wasn’t sitting and waiting on the Lord for what He wanted me to do. I had to apply to Blinn. I had to register for classes. I had to find a place to live and a church to go to. I had to pay for this myself.
My parents had heard very little of this and what I felt called to do, and as a result, insisted that I finish all four years at Ouachita and get my Master’s at A&M. Those were rough, tearful phone calls. I had to do it on my own penny. Then, I was absolutely not allowed to do this. Then, we’re not talking about this when you’re 600 miles away home.
I finally realized I couldn’t do this just yet. The day I registered for classes I went outside on the back porch to read and soak. But I couldn’t concentrate. I wondered if I did the right thing. I wondered if I was rushing this, so I marched right back upstairs and un-registered. Then, there was peace. There was still some worry about a place to live, but my counselor said that I was not to go back into the classroom to work on after-Mercy plans. It was out of my control for good.
CIRCUMSTANCES-
Tricia shared with me three things from Take Another Look at Guidance that should line up: the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and circumstances. For me the first two were great, but the last, not so much. My dad would have nothing to do with my transferring schools. I thought that maybe this was a time that I need to go out on my own. I didn’t have a peace about going back to Ouachita last fall and neither did I a year later. There was no way I could get out of not being allowed to transfer. Even after graduation, I thought maybe I could without my parents and try to manipulate the situation so I was still honoring and respecting my parents. Even my accountability said the biggest thing right now was for my dad to approve.
When I got home from Mercy at the end of June, I was praying and thinking about a time to talk to my dad and a weekend to go look for a place to live. I wanted the timing to be right. During a worship service, I really felt the Lord saying, “Sit still, daughter.” I waited for the Lord. When I did that and stopped worrying about a time to talk, MY DAD CALLED ME WANTING TO TALK AND HE WANTED TO SET A TIME TO TALK, which is very uncharacteristic of him. He had some information for me to gather, and one of those was transfer requirements, which I had spent plenty of time studying. I had some how skipped worrying about hours that would transfer. I read that the requirement was 24, and my stomach was immediately in knots. I’d taken 46 hours at Ouachita, but when I went to add the actual transferable hours up, I was sure I’d only have 14, maybe 16. No! The number kept growing. I didn’t have 24 hours, but 25! That was reason for a praise party.
I had taken a break from facebook that weekend and when I got home Monday night, it was 11:30. I felt like I should check my email. I waited and spent time working some things out with the Lord. Finally at 12:30 AM, I checked my messages, and I had received one from a possible roommate saying she’d be in College Station this weekend if I want to come see the apartment. She sent that message at 11:30 that night. That was also the same weekend that would work best for me to go visit. Another praise party.
THE TALK-
Those three events brought up such excitement in me, that even though I was extremely nervous of what my dad would say and the possibility of my paying for everything or even going back to Ouachita, I was still more excited than nervous. Tuesday night came, and we sat down for a nice discussion. I was giving him all the information he asked for, but for some reason he thought I was already accepted to Texas A&M. When he realized that I planned on going to Blinn, he went to the automatic "No". And where I would have become very upset before, I was calm. I had to go upstairs to get some papers, the whole time getting real serious with Jesus and continuing my prayer for my dad, a softened heart. I got the papers, came back down, and within minutes his whole demeanor changed. He realized that all of this was not a sham. I had done my research and knew what I was talking about. He softly said, “Okay. You can do this.” And tears began to fall. In minutes the Lord changed those circumstances that were impossible to possible. He changed my dad’s heart.
A MONTH AND A HALF LATER-
I’ve moved into my duplex with two great girls and am so pumped about this new year. I excited to walk out my freedom in college. It sounds like a silly thing, but it’s not. Going to college was a way to start over, but not in a good way. I wasn’t “recovered” like people thought I was. I was quietly bound in chains of death, an eating disorder, depression, and perfectionism. BUT NOW I’M FREE.
These verses played over and over through this journey
John 8:34-36
Jesus said, "I tell you most solemnly that anyone who chooses a life of sin is trapped in a dead-end life and is, in fact, a slave. A slave is a transient, who can't come and go at will. The Son, though, has an established position, the run of the house. So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through.
Proverbs 3:1-8
My son, do not forget my teaching, But let your heart keep my commandments; For length of days and years of life And peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.
John 10: 1-5
I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice."
Psalm 27: 13-14
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
